I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
