just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
