Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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