Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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