bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
