why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
