Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I didn't notice because vodka
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
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