Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Swine flu is the new snow day.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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