she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
