i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
