We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
