the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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