She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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