saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
If that was your dad, he is hot
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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