i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
