I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
