Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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