You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
