there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
