but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
