so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
