i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
