A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
