that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
