So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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