So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
