i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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