I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
