I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I hope mine doesn't look like that
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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