no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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