he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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