I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
