hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
