I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
