We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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