i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
