Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
