In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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