Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Alive.
So much puke
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
