It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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