We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
