please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
