U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
