i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
