Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
