she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
