I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
