You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
