everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
nutella sex= disaster
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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