I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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