Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
