This house was built for laser tag.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
