Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
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